oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
