hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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