What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
