last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
