i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
