Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
