She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
