He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
