we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
