Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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