Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
