this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
