whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
