He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We had to coat check the pizza.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
