Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i dont even know how to be here
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
