You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Randomize
