plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
