Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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