It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
