Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
whose parrot is this?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
