I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
