We won't sleep together?
If that was your dad, he is hot
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
