Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
