We won't sleep together?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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