We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
