I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
How external is "for external use only"?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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