I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize