I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
