I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
