why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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