absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
