Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
