can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
