I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
