If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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