OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
