seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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