so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
