I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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