If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
