I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
