that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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