A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize