Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
