your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
