She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
