she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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