Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
