I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
