WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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