i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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