so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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