I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
