Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize