he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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