When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize