I puked a lego.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
