Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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