Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
