i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
