I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
