Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
