i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
