Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
