I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
