So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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