please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
