so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
