she looked like the bat from fern gully.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize