Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
