Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
