im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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