How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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