That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
