I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
