So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
