Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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