just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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