I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
