My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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