Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
