okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
bring money and cleavage
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm like, not good at living.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
