I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
