If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
