I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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