Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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